So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night. I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

Hello my dearest readers! I wanted to thank you so much for all of your support, when I started these stories three years ago I didn’t think people would be that interested. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Sadly, all things come to an end and because I have retired from the fashion business (not really, I just switched jobs) this blog is no longer relevant. If you are interested in keeping up with what I am doing now please check out my current blog The New Adventures of Spreadsheet Girl. Hopefully you’ll enjoy what I have going on there.

Thanks again!

– GIWD

Public Service Announcement: The myth of the strapless dress

I hear a lot of reasons why women don’t want to wear strapless dresses. Most of them, however, just aren’t accurate.

“I don’t want to wear a strapless dress because it makes my arms look fat.”

“I don’t want to wear a strapless dress because I’m too old to go strapless.”

“I don’t want to wear a strapless dress because I’m too busty.”

“I don’t want to wear a strapless dress because I’m not busty enough.”

Uh, no. Stop. Just don’t. Shhh. Hush. First of all, untrue! What you think you see in the mirror isn’t what anyone else is seeing. You are so much prettier than you think you are.

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That’s right, curvy girls can go strapless too. Fluvia Lacerda makes it look easy because it is.

Secondly, a woman’s shoulders are lovely at every age and every weight. Seriously. As the movie Laws of Attraction  taught me years ago, “A woman’s shoulder’s are the last thing to go.”

Work your shoulders ladies, they are beautiful.

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Of course Helen Mirren always looks amazing

Moving on.

“I don’t want to wear a strapless dress because I don’t want to be pulling it up all night.”

Ahhh now we’re talking. Yes, we have all had that dress that we loved at first but then hated because the entire time we are wearing it we are pulling it up and readjusting… ourselves.

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Do you think the Elie Saab dress is going anywhere? Nope.

However, the pulling and tugging that often occurs doesn’t have to be true with a strapless dress. This happens only if 1) The dress has poor construction 2) It doesn’t fit right or 3) Both.

Our problem is that we think the bust-line of a dress should hold the dress up. Nope, don’t count on that.

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Even girls who are smaller on top can wear strapless dresses. As shown by the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o.

If you try to make the bust-line of your dress tight enough to hold your dress up not only will you be fighting it all night you will get that unseemly back-muffin-top roll of skin we all want to avoid. You can wear a strapless dress without having back cleavage, yes you can.  It just needs to fit right.

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Ashley Graham, doing strapless the right way.

A strapless dress is held up by the waist and hips! That’s right. Not the bust. That handy little curve that you carry babies and groceries on? That holds up a strapless dress.

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This well constructed Hamda Al Fahim dress fits at the waist and is looser at the top. Perfect.

If you get that waist-line to fit correctly and the rest of the dress… just stays.

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You think Jennifer Love Hewitt is counting on the bust-line of her dress to hold her together at the Golden Globes? Think again.

So no matter your shape, age or style you can rock a strapless dress. Don’t limit yourself, just make sure it fits snug (but not too snug) around your waist and let your womanly shape do the heavy lifting!

The Bride wears the pants

A mom and daughter come in to find a wedding gown, bith are friendly but stoic and I have a really hard time reading them.

Bride: *after the first dress* Mom. What  do you think?
Mom of Bride: That one is very nice.
Bride: *after second dress* Mom?
MOB: That one is also very nice.
Bride: *after third dress* What about this?
MOB: Very nice.
Me: *looks at bride* But what do you think?
Bride: I don’t really wear dresses so I have no idea.I prefer pants. But for my wedding I’m making myself do this.
Me: Okay.
MOB: They are all beautiful.
Me: Alight then…
*this continues for several dresses*
Me: Can I bring you something that I think you’d look really great in, even if it isn’t exactly what you’ve said you wanted?
Bride: Please, I obviously have no idea what I’m doing.
Me: *puts bride in a new dress*
Bride:
MOB:
Bride:
Me: *thinks, ‘great, this is a flop’*
Bride: *starts to cry* Sh** Mom, I look like a girl.
MOB: *cries… a lot*
Me: So… do we like it?
Bride: This is my dress.
MOB: *hugs daughter both teary eyed.
Bride: I’m still wearing jeans to the reception
MOB: And you’ll look lovely.

Smooth

A mom and dad come in with their daughter who is looking for a wedding dress. The whole time she tries on dresses they sit there holding hands and smiling at each other.
After a while the woman looks around at all of the brides in the store and turns to her husband.
Woman: Do you remember our wedding day when I looked that beautiful?
Man: *rubs his thumb over her knuckles and smiles* I don’t remember you even being as beautiful as you are right now.
Me: *dead* 

Briiing briiing!

Me: *answers the phone* Thank you for calling-
Woman: What time do you close?
Me: Uh… 7pm we close at 7pm.
Woman: Are you kidding me!?!
Me: No…
Woman: It is 6:30 right now how am I suppose to get there by 7?
Me: Well…
Woman: If I get there at 6:45 are you going to kick me out at 7?
Me: Oh no, of course not, but we aren’t taking any more appointments today.
Woman: I don’t need an appointment. What I need is for you to pull all of your size 6 blue dresses you have and have them ready for me when I get there.
Me: I am so sorry, but I can’t pull all of those it would be so many and
Woman: Well excuse me for trying to make life easier for you!
Me:
Woman:
Me: You know, I would be happy to make an appointment for you for tomorrow morning.  First thing. And then you have a stylist available to help you find what you need.
Woman: No.
Me: Okay then-
Woman:  I am a couple of towns away but I am on my way there now and if I get there after 7pm I will knock on the doors and expect you to let me in.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am but-
Woman: That’s what I expect you to do. See you soon. *hangs up*
Me: Oh I hope you get here after 7 and you will see what we do.

Mall Date

Me: Tell my how you met your fiance?
Bride: We met at the mall.
Me: Did you both work there?
Bride: No, he worked there. I was just shopping. And not for a man.
Me: *Laughs* Then how did it happen?
Bride: He ran into me.
Me: Literally?
Bride: Yes. I was ticked off and like, “Excuse me! Can’t you see me here!”
Me: And…?
Bride: And 3 weeks latter I was pregnant.
Me: Oh my gosh!
Bride: Now we’ve been together for 3 years and we have two kids.
Me: That’s wonderful!

Bromance

Me: You look amazing and I love the blush color you picked out for your bridesmaids. 
Bride: Thank you! I had to convince my fiance to use that color.
Me: Yeah, some times guys hear ‘pink’ and get scared. 
Bride: He wanted bright purple and black. 
Me: Really?
Bride: He told me that he’d been planning it since high school.
Me: Are you kidding? He was planing his wedding colors in high school?
Bride: His best friend and him thought it would be cool to wear purple vest to each other’s weddings. 
Me: Oh?
Bride: I told him ‘fine, you can wear a purple vest if you marry him.’ I will compromise my ideas to make it our wedding, but not to make it the dream wedding for him and his best friend.
Me: Fair enough! 

On a scale of 1 to 10…

Me: We are going to give each dress a number between 1 and 10. 1 means,  “I hate this dress get it out of my sight.” 10 means, “Oh my gosh this is my dress.” Okay?
Bride:  Okay.
Me:  So what number would you give this first dress.
Bride: *is so excited she can’t stand still* 10! It’s a 10!
Me: Wow, really?
Mom of bride: No, no. You can’t get the first dress you try on.
Bride: But I love it.
Me: We have time, we can always try on some more and come back to this one latter.
Bride. Okay, then it is a 9.5.
Me: *after the second dress is on* What Number to do you  give this one?
Bride: *bounces up and down a little* 9.5!
Me: Alrighty then…
Me: *after the third dress* Number?
Bride: 9.5, they are all so beautiful!
Me: *after 4th dress* And what number does it get?
Bride: 9? 9.5?
Me: Oh gosh, you must really hate this one.
Me: *makes her put the first dress on again.* Now what number does this one get?
Bride: 1 million!
Me: *laughs and looks at mom*
Mom: *tears up* Okay, okay. You can get the first dress you tried on. You look like a 1 million.
Me: You two are my favorite people ever.

Public Service Announcement: #EveryWomanProblems

I’ve never done this before, but today I’d like to direct you to another blog so you can read a wonderful article titled, Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls… So I will by The Militant Baker.

Ladies, I don’t care what size you are this article applies to you, and is full of things I want to tell my brides everyday.

One of the most amazing things I’ve come to discover while working at a Bridal shop is that every bride is beautiful. Let me repeat that, every bride is beautiful. I don’t care if you are size 0 or size 30. If you have long hair or no hair. I don’t care if you wore make-up to your appointment or went natural. If your teeth are crooked, or your hair’s unwashed or your legs are ashy! Every bride is beautiful.

So stop picking on yourselves ladies. If it is something you’d get mad at someone for saying to your best friend, then don’t say it about yourself!

It makes me so sad and frustrated when I ask a bride how she likes a dress and she answers;

“I wish my arms looked better.”

Or she grabs the bit of flesh that every woman has between her boob and her arm and says, “How do I get rid of this?”

Or she sucks in her tummy and says, “Now I look okay.”

I’ve heard these thing from brides of all sizes. I had a bride recently who was too small for my size 0 designer gowns and she was still poking and pulling at herself talking about the things she needed to work on before her big day.

Don’t do that.

Just stop, smile, and remember that every bride is beautiful. Stop trying to be a cookie-cut image of someone else and just be you. Because you are lovely. And you are the person you’re fiance fell in love with in the first place.

A bridesmaid by any other name…

Bride: I already have my dress we are just looking for bridesmaids dresses today.
Me: Excellent! I’d love to help you with that. And who do you have with you today?
Bride: I’ve brought all of my bridesmaids along. 
Me: *turns to her bridesmaids and introduce myself, giving my name*
Me: *smiles at first bridesmaid* And your name is?
Bridesmaid: Do I have to tell you?
Me: Um… I. I was just asking what your name is. 
Bridesmaid: I don’t see why I should give you that information just so your business can have it.
Me: Oh sorry, I wasn’t asking for my business. I was just introducing myself. 
Bridesmaid: Well, I don’t see why you need to know that.
Me:
Bridesmaid:
Bride:
Me: I… um… well, I just wanted to know what to call you while I was helping you out today?
Bridesmaid: We know your name, if when need help we’ll call you
Me:
Bridesmaid:
Me: Awesome.
**********
My Manager: How are things going with your bridesmaid’s party?
Me: Oh fun. We are having lots of fun.